Charitable Marriage

Marriage is supposed to be the complimentary outcome of covenants made to our spouse and to God. The responsibilities of reality often overshadow those sacred promises and corrupt the things we see and feel in our marriage. These distorted views make it easy for us to find vulnerabilities in our partner and use them to our advantage. This however does not have to be the case. If we follow the example of Christ, we can treat our spouse with empathy and compassion.

 Below is a modern version of the Good Samaritan. As you watch think about how you treat your spouse. Is it with criticism, contempt, indifference, or charity? (Mormon Channel, November 16, 2017)

              After discussing the parable of the Good Samaritan author H. Wallace Goddard discussed three possible reactions to the vulnerability we see in our spouse. The traveler in the story is our spouse, and we have the opportunity to react in the following ways. “The thieves seized on the opportunity to rob the traveler. The priest and Levite actively ignored him. The Samaritan had compassion and ministered to him.” (2009)

              What affects how we react to our spouse is how we understand the doctrines and principles of the gospel. Without charity we will act like the thieves and look for our own gain. Without that pure love of Christ in our hearts we will ignore requests for help. Without a complete change of heart to become like God we will not be able to see our spouse’s shortcomings as Christ does. Love is the answer to a joyful marriage.

              Elder Wirthlin(2007) said, “The most cherished and sacred moments of our lives are those filled with the spirit of love. The greater the measure of our love, the greater is our joy. In the end, the development of such love is the true measure of success in life.” Notice that Elder Wirthlin does not say that we gain this love automatically, but it is developed over time. This type of love is not the flippant, selfish love, but a deep understanding of our partner through the lens of God’s glasses.

              Looking at our spouse through these glasses helps us see the pitfalls in our partner, while also allowing us to react to them with love and compassion. Strength in a marriage comes when we are in tune with our spouse and their needs, when we become their eternal friend. A researcher that has conducted many studies on marriage relationships talked about this type of charitable love, “That is really what I mean when I talk about honoring and respecting each other. Very often a marriage’s failure to do this is what causes husband and wife to find themselves in endless, useless round of argument or to feel isolated and lonely in their marriage.” (Gottman, 2015)

              When a couple forgets their sacred covenants made during marriage they are not following the example of Christ given in the parable of the good Samaritan. A marriage may start with friendship, but it should grow through charity and respect for one another. Without these principles the vulnerabilities we see in our spouse will be abused, ignored and left to die lonely and misused. We can choose to treat our marriage and spouse with respect, charity and compassion just as Christ did.