Progression Through Marriage

My husband and I have been married for eleven years next week. Marriage has not been everything that I thought it would be. The differing temperaments between my husband and I have led to disagreements, judgments, and individual wants that I never thought would happen within a marriage. Troubles have come to us as they do to married couples everywhere. Our marriage has lasted because of the covenant that we have made to one another, and to God.  Elder Bruce C. Hafen (1996) stated, “But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions give 100 percent.”

              When my husband and I were first married we had an argument about where the utensils were going to go in our little kitchen. It has been affectionately referred to as the “Utensil Incident,” because it taught both of us a lesson about each other’s differences and how we judge one another based on our experiences. My husband is very type A, he liked having a place for everything and everything in its place. I thought every home had a drawer with miscellaneous utensils in it. You know the long, misshapen, weird kitchen paraphernalia that doesn’t have a neat cubby it can fit into. We argued over where these things were going to go and the anger, judgments and selfishness began to build in our little apartment until it was set to explode. It did, and it has several times since then. Not particularly about the utensils, but about other similarly unimportant things. The lessons we have learned working through problems like the utensil drawer have been powerful in helping us realize our differences and our commonality.

              Last night I expressed my gratitude to my husband for sticking by my side through the years of early marriage, childbearing and the beginning of aging. I was so thankful that he has tried to give his all even when troubles have come into our marriage. Part of what has helped us both try to give 100 percent is what we believe to be the nature of our union.  We know we are individuals given divine attributes by our Heavenly Father. These characteristics by themselves are holy and sacred. When the traits of a man and a woman come together they become something more than they would be by themselves.

              Elder David A.Bednar(2006) said this about the natures of men and women. “By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperament and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way.”

              This union has been the plan for each of God’s children since he placed Adam and Eve upon the earth. As a woman I have a divine role as a wife and mother. As a man my husband has the divine role of husband and father. These roles are individual, yet complimentary. Working together and giving 100 percent gives our lives further meaning and purpose as we progress together.