Marriage Counseling

By the title of this post you may be concerned that the topic might get too clinical for your taste. Don’t worry, the counseling I want to discuss doesn’t have to do with professional therapists, doctors, psychoanalysis or any other medically prescribed antidote for marital woes. The counseling I want to talk about is the conversations you have in your own home with your spouse. These are the most effective therapy that a couple can participate in. They become their own therapist, doctor, psychologist or really whatever the other person needs through collaborative effort.

I do not claim to know what is best for you and your spouse, neither do I want to take away from the positive benefits that some find from therapy and other treatments. However, the positive blessings that come from planning, praying about, and participating in what some call a Couples Council or Family Council is the point of my message today.

So, what is a Couples Council? In easier terms it is simply a meeting, where a married couple comes together to discuss things that are of importance to them. These ideas can be affixed to a family as well, but I would like to focus on the marital counseling between a husband and wife. We have learned that a husband and wife have differing attributes that can strengthen and enlarge the love in a marriage. One way to positively influence these strengths is to council together often. As partners turn toward one another in each meeting, problems will find solutions, strengths will be made manifest, and loves progression towards eternal goals will be forthcoming.

Elder M. Russell Ballard Says, “Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they do have different duties in His eternal plan- and yet these differing roles and duties are equally significant. We must understand that God views all of His children with infinite wisdom and perfect fairness. Consequently, He can acknowledge and even encourage our differences while providing equal opportunities for growth and development.”(1997) One way in which these differences are allowed to grow is by counseling together. A man and woman are different, but the Lord gives us an opportunity to learn from each other every time we counsel together, it is a framework from which he has built many marvelous things.

Before we came to earth, He counseled with us in heaven, asking and receiving our thoughts on matters consequent to coming to earth. Councils were established in his church on the earth through the Council of the Twelve  Apostles during Christ’s time on this earth, and through subsequent councils after the restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To council together with our spouse and family only makes sense when we think about the pattern set by our Father in Heaven. Because the family is the basic unit of humanity, councils should start in the home.

Being different but equal allows the opportunity of counseling together to become a great strength to a marriage. It helps unify and solidify the couple with the help of the sanctifying power of Jesus Christ. “Remember, brethren, that in your role as leader in the family, your wife is your companion. As President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught; ‘in this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are coequals.’ Since the beginning, God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together in unity. Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit.” (Perry, 2004)

Now we understand why we need to counsel together, but how do we put it into practice?

1.       Pick a certain date and time to have a formal couples council. Any discussion can be a couples council, but a scheduled, recurring meeting can bring needed consistency to the equation. Consistent effort brings consistent results.

2.       Create an agenda from which to work from. This may seem like overkill, but working from an agenda of topics will keep the meeting on task and prevent frustrations from other problems during the week to sneak into the conversation. You may consider keeping a running list of ideas to discuss that both of you can contribute to during the week, then pick only a few to place on the agenda.

3.       Start with a prayer Inviting the Spirit of the Lord to be with you during your counseling together will help ideas and solutions to flow more freely. This is one way in which the Lord helps sanctify your marriage. The Holy Ghost reveals and confirms specific antidotes that will make more sacred the union you and your spouse have. Elder Harold B. Lee said, “Such prayers invite Heavenly Father to counsel us by the power of the Spirit.”

Following these guidelines will help you have successful Couples Councils. In closing I’d like to leave you with an apostolic witness that counseling together will bring blessings to your home. “Finally, please remember that a family council held regularly will help us spot family problems early and nip them in the bud; councils will give each family member a feeling of worth and importance; and most of all they will assist us to be more successful and happy in our precious relationships, within the walls of our homes.” (Ballard, 2016)